Cold Feet

Gonna pass on this man, I thought I pulled. Told me best mate, he’s all hers, if she fancies a crack at him. She was not amused.

Just when I thought I was on me way to getting meself back in the saddle, so to speak, I got sidelined in favour of a game of footie.

Now, me best mate, who happened to save me from a death defying miserable life, is not only a willing slave to an entire pitch of fully grown men chasing a ball, she’s also really very clever, too. She knows how to explain the offside rule without condiments. Apparently, it’s not where the players are when the ball comes in to play, it’s where the players were when the boot went in! No skidding! Well, if a man wants to come calling, he best leave his boots outside, cos I don’t plan on clearing up after him or keeping him long enough for his footwear to get nicked from me doorstep.  

Anyhow, back to me dabbling with cupid. I figured me mate would be a much better match, in more ways than one, for this young stud. Luckily for me, she knows me better than I know meself, and she gave me a severe lecturing, steadfast and to the point, simply stating that I pull meself together and go get…

Yer see, all I really, almost definitively, really want is a bit of friendly, loving company from time to time. The time to time being: a few hours at weekends, occasional holidays and high-days, when all unhealthily attached men are safely off their expense accounts, and at home playing DIY. Believe you me, when you’ve admitted you’re unhappily married, going through a break-up, or “Just Divorced” you become a roaming beacon for every frustrated male on the entire planet.

Ma simple needs mean I no longer have many expectations, and I’ve said adieu to me furry tail dreams which have long since docked in a far off fantasy port. However, that doesn’t mean I wanna be a side order or sit around in an Argos style queue waiting fer me number to come up.

So… me current standing point is this: when I’m ready, willing and stable to jump in, I don’t just want a game, I want “it”

… and when I want “it”, 

I want “it”

NOW!

Pulled - I Fink

Today, I pulled, I fink, and managed to do it without getting me knickers in a twist.

Now, unlike many women, half me age, I’m not sitting here waiting for the charmer to call. Yes we did exchange numbers, and I’m typing me blog under the duvet in case the wind and rain get an inkling as to what I been up to. The only thing I know, for certain, is that he’s, allegedly, good with his hands and must be over the age of consent as he has a driving licence.  Phew!

So now I’m a pondering, should he pop by for a brew…

Am I expected to put meself on the sizzle block: before, after, or whilst the kettle is whistling to boiling point?

Nae Burns Tonight

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,

Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!

I did nae mean nae Robbie Burns, I meant nae scolding, blistering and ouch-ouch-ouch, nae burns!

Once upon a blog, I mentioned a dabble with silicon, whilst laying down some good old faithful rubber for the wet and wild side of life. Slowly, but surly, I’ve reacquainted meself with the hot and bothersome culinary quarters, and the joys of heat resistant personal protective equipment, as demonstrated by Sandy.

And if you were wondering as to whether I’d indulged in a wee highland beastie this night…

Nah…

The haggis is way too fast for me!

Wet Weekend

What can I say…? It’s been a wet and drizzly weekend, so I’ve had no excuse not to write. I’ve tinkered with plots and rallied me characters, but no sign of a real script materialising as yet. 

Me porky lazy arse has taken a wander into town, and I’m still enjoying me simple little world beside the sea. I guess that’s heading in the right direction.  

As for me salacious thoughts about finding a man… Well, I been looking towards me family and friends trying to pick up tips. It appears all one has to do is post a note up on Facebook, if you have zillions of friends, asking if anyone wants a… 

Size Isn't Everything

Do you remember what I got for Christmas?

I thought very carefully about what to dip him in, including Patsy's Irn Brew suggestion, but after serious contemplation, and the worry about him ending up a tangerine bream, I popped him in a glass of Pinot Grigio. 

And he grew...

And now me eyesight's gone a wee bit squiffy!

Me finks I'm gonna call him Moobs.

New Year’s Resolution

Happy New Year. 

Here’s wishing 2011 is full of good health, happiness and harmony for all.

Thanks to Victoria Wood and The Morecambe and Wise Story on the telly tonight, for giving me a surge of willpower and a New Year’s resolution.

“Trust Positive Thinking”

To be honest, I’ve never really been that big on making resolutions, at any time of year. I don’t smoke, never have. I enjoy a wee drink, from time to time, and I will not give up food or chocolate, no matter what some may say about me potential obese factor. Giving up sex, before lent, is something I’d rather forget, but I have had plenty of wishes and dreams over the years, and last year one or two actually came true!

“Trust Positive Thinking”

This year I’m gonna keep me eyes open for new opportunities, me mind alert and a trip wire handy to topple the next available and gorgeous guy who takes me fancy.

“Trust Positive Thinking”